Sunday, May 12, 2013

My Not-So-Special Special Day

So, today was Mother's Day. This was a big day for me because this was my first Mother's Day as an actual mother. And you know what? It felt a lot like other Mother's Days. I didn't really feel much different. Sure, people wished me Happy Mother's Day a lot and they usually don't. But for all the impact it had on me they may as well have been wishing me a Happy Rosh Hashanah.

I thought that once I was a mother, this day would feel more like it was for me. But I've started to wonder if that will ever really happen. Maybe when I have kids old enough that THEY are wishing me Happy Mother's Day it will really sink in. Maybe once I start getting paper flowers and handprint art, maybe then I will feel like this day is for me. But maybe that's not how it works. Maybe this day will just always be one that makes us reflect on our mothers instead of ourselves. And really, I think that is a much more meaningful use of a day. For 364 days of the year, we all get to pretend that we were the perfect children and that it was a privilege for our mothers to be allowed to raise us. But once a year, we are forced to acknowledge how amazing our mothers are/were and that they put up with a lot. Especially as we get older, we look back and recognize that our mothers really did know what they were talking about sometimes and that we probably should have taken their advice more often.

But here's the part where I get to keep my "I was the best child ever" delusion from cracking quite so much. I totally realized what a genius my mom was the whole time. When she gave me advice, I knew it would probably be smart to listen. And even when I didn't see it right away, I figured it out pretty quickly when my choice blew up in my face. So I get to just look back at life and be pretty satisfied with it all because I knew what was up before everyone else. But for the rest of you, don't feel bad. Just be comforted by these two things: 1) you learned a lot from those experiences and you now appreciate your mother even more. 2) I'm almost completely full of it!

In all honesty, I really always have known what a great mother I have and how lucky I am. So on this Mother's Day, let me just say to my own mother, thank you. You were, and still are, my expert on everything. You were always willing to listen whenever I needed to talk (and I had a lot to say, so that's something). You made me feel important, intelligent, funny, and beautiful, even when I didn't really believe I was. (So if I'm a little egotistical now I think I will blame you.) You are the mother I hope I can be one day. Thank you for everything.

Now stop crying.

Life Lesson Learned: I've got a long way to go...